


oikawa tooru is not a lover

by lupittydupitty



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, HQ Rarepair Week, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Polyamory, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Sugawara Koushi is a Little Shit, ft. my headcanon that oikawa has a potty mouth, i am SO happy thats a tag, oikawa gets flustered from being one-upped on the court pass it on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28698102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupittydupitty/pseuds/lupittydupitty
Summary: 15 is a big year. 15 is the age when every child’s inner arm will reveal one of two names: their soulmate or their fated enemy.16 is also a big year. That’s when the other name appears on your other arm.It really doesn’t mean jack to Tooru when he has the same goddamn name on both wrists.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 236
Collections: One-Shot Goldmine





	oikawa tooru is not a lover

**Author's Note:**

> this is for hqrarepairweek for the prompt "soulmates." i had a blast writing this, and it was really interesting writing from the perspective of a guy like oikawa for the first time. a big, big thank you to my beta homeinabookshelf!!
> 
> enjoy!

15 is a big year. 15 is the age when every child’s inner arm will reveal one of two names: their soulmate or their fated enemy. 

16 is also a big year. That’s when the other name appears on your other arm.

The funny thing about this biological quirk is that you aren’t told which wrist has your soulmate’s name. 

Plenty of scientists have theorized about this match-making system - that it’s purposefully unknown which is which so that adolescents are forced to observe and decide for themselves, that in some people your dominant hand is supposed to have your soulmate, blah blah blah. 

It really doesn’t mean jack to Tooru when he has _the same goddamn name on both wrists_. 

\----

Turning 15 isn’t so bad for Tooru. His mom organizes a little party, he gets a new gaming console, and his sister bakes several pans of milk bread just for him. And when the name "Kageyama Tobio" shows up on his left inner arm, he’s a little taken aback that his kouhai is his destined foe, but altogether it made sense. After all, Tobio-chan was shaping up to be quite a skilled setter. 

Turning 16 is not as fun. There’s another party, he gets new shoes, more milk bread, and at the end of the day Tooru has to sit there on his bed and watch in horror as the words "Kageyama Tobio" take over his right arm. 

\----

Tooru feels a weight lift off of his shoulders as he walks out of the doors of Kitagawa Daichi for the last time. Although it’s inevitable that he’ll run into Tobio again further down the line with how passionate they both are for their sport, he’s bought some time before he has to face him again. 

The most demonic part of him does wish he could see his kouhai’s face when Tooru’s name shows up on his inner wrists on his 15th and 16th birthday. That would make this whole shitshow just a bit brighter. 

He’s gotten so many headaches and lost so much sleep thinking about how his enemy is also his soulmate is also Kageyama fucking Tobio. That’s why Tooru decides two things right then and there, on his walk home after the Kitagawa graduation ceremony.

Rule 1: This soulmate bullshit with Tobio is his business and his business only. It’s his dirty little secret. The only people who know so far are his mother (that was a fun conversation to have after his 16th birthday party: Hey, Mom, not only is there a boy’s name on both of my arms, and I hadn’t even come out to anyone yet, but it's my underclassman from middle school that I thought was my enemy and complained about every single day), his sister, and Iwachan. Tooru makes a mental note to ask his sister to buy him makeup in his color, something that he wouldn’t sweat off after volleyball practice. 

Rule 2: This soulmate bullshit with Tobio is going into the mental equivalent of a padlocked box and will be tucked neatly away in the basement of Tooru’s brain, where he puts all the other things he’ll never think about again, like that time his bowels got fucked up on a family vacation and he spent 90% of his waking hours on the toilet. No Tobio thoughts = no migraine = happy Tooru. 

And he’s pretty good at sticking to these rules. His new morning routine involves an extra step of slathering the dark kanji on his arms with concealer and using a noxious-smelling spray over the makeup to make sure it doesn’t budge (his sister had recommended a setting spray to him and called it “sex-proof,” and that tidbit of information was quickly transported to Tooru’s Brain Basement). 

He’s also really good at not thinking about Tobio. Like, so good it should be a marketable skill. Who’s Tobio Kageyama? Tooru may as well have never heard of him with how awesome he is at not thinking about him. Nope, Tobio’s little face and blue eyes have not once crossed Tooru’s mind since Kitagawa. Not even a little. 

Okay, so maybe the kid intrudes on his mental domain a few times. Whatever. Everyone has slip ups. The little flip in his stomach at the thought of Tobio’s face is from hatred. The guilt he feels at almost swinging at him that one time is just at his own failure as a captain. No big deal. 

\---- 

Tooru turns 17, then 18 at Seijoh. He loves his team (and they love him back, as much as they hate to admit it). _Why couldn’t one of them be my soulmate_ , Tooru laments. 

When Coach Irihata tells them they’ll be playing Karasuno in a practice match, Tooru isn’t surprised. Far from it. He knows Tobio had gone to Karasuno and is well aware it would only be a matter of time until he faced the King of the Court.

God, he hates that nickname. 

He’s not the same person he was when he left Kitagawa Daichi. He’s prepared, eager even, to reunite with Tobio. And then demolish him. In fact, he catches Irihata after practice one day and asks him to specifically request that Tobio be Karasuno’s setter at the match. 

There’s one thing Tooru foolishly forgot to consider, though, and that was that Tobio was also not the same person he was when he left Kitagawa Daichi. 

Tooru’s fashionably late to the practice match. He plays up the fanservice to the hoard of girls cheering for him when he knows Tobio is watching. He laughs, throws around flattery, flirts like there’s no tomorrow, and his fanclub eats it up. 

_I don’t care if you have my name on your wrist. I don’t need you._

Speaking of which, these jerseys are short-sleeved. One look at Tobio’s bare arms reveals blank skin. _Ah, I see I’m not the only one who was forced to become a beauty guru. Does his team know that my name is on their setter’s arms?_

When he looks up at Tobio, his genius kouhai’s mug is screwed up like he sucked on something sour. Tooru’s heart warms, and he shoots a smile at the first year. 

The game ends, the sun sets, and Tooru waits for Karasuno at the entrance of Aoba Johsai. He points at Tobio in front of his entire team. 

“I can’t wait to crush you, my cute kouhai.” 

The words have the desired impact, and Tobio’s expression clouds over. Some gray-haired guy steps forward and pats the first-year’s shoulder, glaring at Tooru. 

As he makes his exit, he hears snippets of conversation between the team. “Don’t let him get to you,” says Tobio, and Tooru snorts. _As if he can talk._

\----

Karasuno swaps setters at the Interhigh match, and Tooru hones in on how the gray-haired guy touches Tobio’s shoulder and the two crows lock eyes with each other. Gray-hair whispers something to Tobio that Tooru can’t hear, and there’s a small, but visible release of tension from the younger setter’s body.

Tooru doesn’t like how the team’s entire mood shifts once this refreshing asshole jogs on court.

And he especially doesn’t like the strange feeling in his stomach when Iwachan’s spike is blocked. 

_That little… he knew Iwa would target him so he swapped places with Four-Eyes._

_He knew that I was watching him._

He stares at Mr. Refreshing, and the other setter stares back. Then, he has the audacity to smile at Tooru, before turning to Four-Eyes. 

_Why do I feel weird? It’s probably just setter’s envy at a great technique._

Mr. Refreshing couldn’t be more different than Tobio. Where one excels in technique, the other shines in soft skills. Tobio’s permanent scowl is the opposite of Mr. Refreshing’s blinding smile. Tobio knows the court; Mr. Refreshing knows their team. It’s like they’re made to fill the gaps of the other. 

Like they were made for each other. 

Tooru takes a peek at the sidelines. Tobio is staring unabashedly at the smiling setter. 

That look when they switched… the athletic sleeves on Mr. Refreshing’s arms… the way Tobio is staring at him… 

Tooru’s in the middle of a fucking volleyball match. He’ll unpack this later. 

\---- 

Aoba Johsai wins. Tooru’s not celebrating. 

He’s happy, of course. But this feels like a beginning, rather than an end for Tobio. He watches Karasuno’s team huddle. This match was a lose-lose situation: either Tobio won and got to move on to Nationals, or he’d lose and return with twice the determination to defeat Tooru. 

And then there’s Mr. Refreshing, Tobio’s boyfriend. 

It clicked when he watched Karasuno huddle after their loss. Mr. Refreshing’s hand rubs up and down Tobio’s arm. Tobio’s whole body is turned towards the other setter and it seems like he’s leaning into the touch. 

Tooru could be wrong. It might have just been two teammates comforting each other. After all, he was pretty touchy with his own team, and definitely with Iwachan. But that’s Tooru. Not Tobio. Not touch-averse Tobio. Not socially-inept Tobio. Not King-of-the-Court Tobio. 

Tooru stares at the skin on his inner arms, once soft, now bruised from receiving practice. The concealer is just starting to wear away, and if you look close enough, you can make out bits of black lettering. 

He could be wrong. 

\----

Karasuno’s setter switch at the Spring High Prelims does something to Tooru. 

That weird bubbling feeling in his stomach returns when Mr. Refreshing (who Tooru learns is actually named Sugawara) sets to Tobio, who spikes it and gets the point. Flawlessly executed. 

And when they win, Tooru can’t shake the feeling that he’s lost twice in this match. 

The Aoba Johsai bus waits for the team, so Tooru takes the long way around to the water fountain. He hopes the brief walk will organize his thoughts (even though there’s nothing to organize about the fact that _they lost_ ) and there’s less people to notice his captain persona crumble. 

Well, he’s wrong about the latter. Really wrong. He’s about 20 steps from the water fountain when he hears two hushed voices down the narrow hallway. 

“We can’t tell him now.”

“Sugawara-san, I want to-”

“I know, Tobio-kun, I do too. I've been wanting to for months, and I'm so glad you’re ready to tell him, but this timing couldn’t be worse.”

Tooru presses himself flat against the wall. _A secret rendezvous between Tobio-chan and Mr. Refreshing?_

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Tobio-kun, look at me. Please?” Something about that tender tone makes Tooru’s face hot. He's definitely not supposed to be listening to this. 

There’s a soft, obvious noise, then two sighs. If Tooru’s face was hot before, now it could rival the fucking sun. 

_Kissing? In the middle of the hallway?! I knew it. This is… embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for them, that’s why my face feels scorching. If they get caught… It’s just so unprofessional!_

_Does Mr. Refreshing over here know? Does he know the skin on Tobio’s arms matches mine and mine alone? Does he know he’ll never be Tobio’s soulmate?_

_Does Tobio know how Mr. Refreshing looked at me on the court? Does he know that Mr. Sunshine and Smiles had to be pulled away by Baldy to stop staring at me? Does he know what’s under those arm sleeves?_

_Wait._ He takes a deep, quiet breath. Tooru doesn’t care. He doesn’t. He’ll just walk away and pretend he doesn’t see anything. His shit with Tobio is no one’s business, and Tobio’s shit with Sugawara is definitely not Tooru’s business. Alright, time to find Iwa-

“We’ll tell him, alright? I promise you we’ll tell him after we beat Shiratorizawa. Here, hold out your pinky.”

“What is this?”

“You’ve never made a pinky promise? We just link our pinkies, like this, and whatever promise we make, we absolutely cannot go back on. It’s really serious stuff.”

Tooru pushes down a hysterical laugh. Why is this shit making him feel so warm?

“I promise, Tobio, we’ll tell Oikawa-kun how we feel after the Shiratorizawa match.”

It's like someone's shot Tooru in the head and his brains are splattered on the wall behind him. 

Refreshing is right. The timing is terrible. Tooru can’t listen to this anymore. He spins on his heel and speedwalks right out of this mess. 

He doesn’t have to look to know that the two of them heard him, and saw him. They say nothing. Tooru rounds the corner and nothing happens, except Kindaichi running into him exclaiming that the bus is ready to leave. 

He must see something in the setter’s face, because he quickly shuts his mouth and looks away, which Tooru feels a little bad about, but he’s way past his goddamn limit today and can’t be bothered to apologize. 

That night, after they go out to eat, he, Iwachan, Mattsun, Makki, Yuda, Shido, and Sawauchi head straight for the Seijoh gym and play game after game. 

If the third years notice how much harsher his serves are, how much rougher he is with digging the ball, or how much more ferocious his spikes become, they don’t mention it. The one thing that doesn’t change are his sets. 

\---- 

It’s pretty easy to avoid someone when you had virtually no contact with them before, but still, everywhere he goes he keeps an eye out for any gray or black-haired heads in his vicinity. 

“Oikawa-kun?”

Well, fuck Tooru. Of course the universe would do this to him the one day he’s with Takeru. 

“Oikawa-kun, hello. I didn’t expect to run into you here.” Mr. Refreshing smiles at him, and Tooru refuses to let himself believe it isn’t a fake one. He quickly double-checks to make sure he put on his concealer today, even though he hasn’t forgotten once in the past 2 years. 

“I’m with my nephew.” He stares down the shorter setter (wow, he hadn’t even noticed he was taller than Sugawara), and beckons Takeru to follow him down the stairs.

Instead, Takeru runs up to Sugawara. 

“Hi, Koushi-senpai!” He pipes up, grinning and waving. Sugawara matches his smile and waves back.

_Koushi-senpai?_

“It’s good to see you, Takeru! Have you been working on your setting skills?”

“Mmhmm! Uncle Tooru’s been helping me!”

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Tooru finally asks.

“He’s Nori’s older brother.” Takeru explains, and Tooru whirls to face him.

“Nori? Mr. Refreshing is your best friend’s brother?” Messing with Oikawa Tooru seems like the universe’s new favorite hobby. 

Takeru tilts his head. “Yeah. What’s up with you? You’re acting weird.”

Okay, that’s enough. Tooru pushes his wallet into Takeru’s hands. “Here. Go get something from the vending machine. Give us a minute.”

Takeru’s eyes gleam. “I’m gonna buy so much strawberry milk.” He wanders back inside the building, and Tooru’s alone with Mr. Refreshing. 

“I didn’t know Takeru was your nephew.” Sugawara’s smile brightens (if that’s even possible) and Tooru just manages to keep his frown at bay. 

“He never mentioned Nori had a brother.” Tooru mutters, and Sugawara chuckles. Tooru looks away before he does something stupid like pay attention to how that mole near his eye shifts when he laughs. 

His smile fades. “Oikawa-kun. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, and I really wanted to do this with one other person-”

“I saw you and Tobio-chan after the Spring High.” Tooru blurts out.

“I know.”

A pause, and both setters size each other up. 

“That’s actually what I wanted-”

“No.” 

Sugawara’s smile crashes to the floor, and Tooru feels a pang in his chest at his expression.

“Well, I won’t push you into something you don’t want to do. I’ll see you later, Oikawa.” He turns to leave, shoulders hunched, and a strange panic zaps through Tooru.

Before he can think, Tooru’s grabbing onto his arm. “I mean, not now!” 

They both freeze. Five seconds pass, and just like that, another awkward silence fills the space between them. Tooru lets go of his arm and clears his throat.

“You said it yourself back there. Beat Shiratorizawa. Defeat Ushiwaka, then come talk to me. Both of you.”

Sugawara’s mouth forms a small O, before breaking into a blinding grin, like he’s just scored a point. Tooru should invest in a pair of shades or something; he’s too young to have his vision damaged like this.

“In that case, we’ll see you soon, Oikawa-kun. Take care.”

Tooru wills his heart to stop pounding as he watches Mr. Refreshing descend the stairs and almost hopes Karasuno loses, because damn, he’s fucked. 

\----

Karasuno wins. 

They meet him at noon the day after the match, at Tobio's house. Tooru learns that because Tobio’s parents are more often than not away on business trips and his older sister takes night classes, Tobio’s home alone pretty frequently. 

Tooru gets up at nine in the morning and showers, styles his hair, and texts Iwachan for moral support. _Pull it together dumbass_ is the only reply he receives, which he proceeds to ignore as he cycles through about seven different outfits before finding one he likes (dark blue jeans, a black belt, and his favorite teal sweater, a comforting item of clothing he’s had for years). _Glasses, or no glasses?_ He ponders. He puts them on. He takes them off. He puts them back on. 

_Iwachan was right. I need to pull it together._

Fishing under the couch, he finally finds a coin and flips it, heads for glasses, tails for no glasses. 

Heads. Glasses it is. Tooru adjusts the lenses onto his face and glances at the clock. 11:30. 

He rolls up his sleeves and stares down at the lettering on his inner arms. He decided not to cover them up for today, because he had a feeling it would come up in conversation. 

Conversation. The conversation where the two people he’s been thinking about since the beginning of the year, including his soulmate and his enemy, will tell him how they feel. That conversation-

Tooru slaps his own cheeks. _Enough. It’s time to leave._

As soon as Tooru rings the doorbell of the Kageyama residence, Tobio opens the door. He's wearing a white t-shirt and light blue jeans. Tooru has never in his life seen the boy in jeans. 

_He dressed up for the occasion, huh? That’s… really cute._

“Good morning, Tobio-chan. You look nice.”

“Uh… Th-thanks. Take your shoes off over there.” He points to a small cubby tucked in the corner of the mudroom, but Tooru isn’t distracted from missing the slight color in his cheeks. Once Tooru obeys, Tobio leads him to the living room, where Mr. Refreshing is curled up on a corner of the massive couch against the wall. He’s holding a mug of something hot, and wearing grey slacks and a… and a… 

a soft cream-colored turtleneck. Sugawara is wearing a turtleneck and sipping mint tea that he can smell from across the room and smiling up at Tooru. Tobio takes a seat next to Sugawara and leans ever so slightly closer to the elder setter, making sure their shoulders are brushing, and Tooru’s chest actually hurts from the domesticity of the scene.

Once Tooru’s gathered himself enough to move, he sits down in an armchair across from the couch. He knows the seating arrangement was probably done for his comfort, but he finds himself wishing he was closer to the other two. 

Sugawara cuts right to the chase. “We’re sick of waiting. I’ve had feelings for you for months, Oikawa Tooru, ever since our first practice match against Aoba Johsai, and Tobio…”

“Since middle school.” Tobio finishes. 

“We like you a lot, and we wanna date you. The both of us.”

Tooru had seen it coming but something about the words being spoken so brazenly is making him feel all bubbly. They want to date him? The both of them? At the same time? And what about-

“Your Marks.” He blurts out. “I want to see them.”

Tobio and Sugawara exchange a look, and simultaneously roll up their sleeves. No concealer, no arm sleeves, just clean black kanji.

Tooru’s eyes widen bigger and bigger. He doesn’t know what to say. Whatever he was expecting wasn’t even close to what he was seeing. 

On Sugawara’s left wrist is written “Oikawa Tooru,” and on the right “Kageyama Tobio.” Both of Tobio’s forearms read “Oikawa Tooru.” 

He can’t form cohesive thoughts, so he just rolls up his own sleeves. Tobio can’t tear his eyes away from where his name is written on Tooru's skin, and Sugawara looks resigned. 

“Yeah, I figured as much. You two were always so weird with each other on the court.”

“I don’t… understand.” Tooru sputters. “What is this supposed to even mean? We’re all supposed to… be each other’s soulmates? But one of us is your enemy-” Suddenly the pieces click, and Sugawara must see it happen because a small smile takes over his face. 

“Exactly. There’s plenty of evidence for either of you being my enemy. Tobio-kun, a first-year, took a position I had on my team for 3 years, meaning I got benched. You, Oikawa-kun, have a fated grudge against my team and you’re one of our most powerful opponents. My theory is that I’m not supposed to know who’s my enemy and who’s my soulmate because the two of you are both at the same time.”

Sugawara looks back at the two setters and bursts into laughter. “For a pair of rivals, you guys are really similar. It’s cute, but close your mouths before you attract bugs.”

Tooru sputters. _Cute? Similar to Tobio? CUTE?!_

“Oikawa-san.”

Oh, yeah. He might wanna work on that knee-jerk _“ew”_ reaction to anything Tobio-related. 

“I know… we… don’t get along.” Poor Tobio is looking everywhere but his eyes, his face redder than Nekoma. “But… I want to try. With you. And Sugawara-san. All three of us… I want it.”

Now, how the hell does Tooru top that?

He leans back against the armchair and blows out a long sigh. 

“If you’re trying to get me to be your boyfriend, Tobio-chan, the least you could do is drop the -san and use my first name.”

Tooru grins when Tobio reddens even more. 

“Oh? Does that mean I can call you _Tooru-kun_ , now?” Sugawara chimes in, and Tooru has to step up his game because everything’s backfired and now his tomato complexion could rival Tobio’s. 

Mr. Refreshing has absolutely no right to make his name sound so good, or to look so smug at Tooru’s reaction. Tobio snorts which is rich considering he’s in no better of a position. 

It’s so… natural. Tooru teasing Tobio, Sugawara teasing Tooru, Tooru leaning back into the armchair in Tobio’s living room and laughing as Sugawara pinches Tobio’s cheeks, much to Tobio’s chagrin. He can’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable with people who weren’t Iwachan.

He thinks about his last relationship, and thinks about how he felt like he had to always wear his Oikawa-Senpai, Setter Extraordinaire persona, the persona that got him in sports magazines, the persona that kept his fangirls around, the persona that Iwachan couldn’t stand. The persona that his ex-girlfriend had fallen for, and ultimately the persona that had led to their relationship’s demise when she realized he couldn’t be Oikawa-Senpai all the time. 

He likes being Tooru-kun, and grudgingly has to admit he likes being Oikawa-san. “Tooru-kun” and “Oikawa-san” are the most real he’s ever felt. He doesn’t have to be Oikawa-Senpai. 

His mind is made up.

“Tooru-kun?”

Oh, right. They actually need to hear his answer. 

“Tobio-ch- Tobio.” The youngest setter looks up at his name, and Tooru’s heart does a weird little dance because his blush hasn’t completely faded, still tinting his cheeks pink. Did he go through the same turmoil as Tooru?

Did Tobio ever really hate Tooru as much as Tooru hated him?

Yeah, right. He can’t fool himself like that anymore. It was never hate that Tooru felt. 

“We’ve got… issues we need to work through. But...” Tooru blows out another breath and braces himself for what he’s about to say. “But, I’ve had these pesky feelings for you for years, and if my cute kouhai is all grown up and ready to tackle our problems, how can I say to no to him?”

Tooru could probably crack an egg and cook it on his face right about now, but the way Tobio beams at him is worth it (damn, Tooru’s been dating him for a total of 2 seconds and he’s already wrapped around his finger.) 

He doesn’t miss the way Sugawara’s face falls in the corner of his eye, and no, no, no, that will not do at all. 

“Mr. Refreshing, what’s with the glum look? You don’t think it’s just Tobio-chan who’s caught my eye? If I remember correctly, I believe two people wanted to be my boyfriends.”

Tooru is tempted to cover his eyes from Sugawara’s blinding smile, the full force of it being directed right at him threatening to ruin his vision. 

Sugawara gets up, and- “-Oof!”

Tooru blinks. Glances down. Blinks again. Yep, Sugawara decided to throw himself onto his lap. He is in his lap. Right now. Confirmed. 

“Since we’re dating, Tooru-kun,” He murmurs right into his ear, looping his arms around Tooru’s neck, “dontcha think you should call me Koushi?”

Tooru’s head spins. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this flustered and feverish in his life, including when he actually had fevers. He tries, and fails not to shiver. 

“Not fair, Kou-chan.” He whines. One good thing about this… _predicament_ is that Tooru can hide his burning face in Mr. Refreshing Sugawara Koushi his boyfriend’s neck. 

He peeks over Koushi’s shoulder to see Tobio, staring back, mouth hanging open. He smirks. 

“You look lonely, Tobio-chan. Wanna join the senpai you’ve had a crush on since, what was it, middle school?” He beckons. 

“At least I didn’t pretend I hated my soulmate for years!” Tobio retorts. Koushi muffles his laughter in Tooru’s neck, and it’s almost too distracting for him to speak. 

“Watch it, Tobio, or this relationship could end before it even start- OOF!” Once again, Tooru abruptly finds himself with a second lapful of setter and an extremely crowded armchair. 

“Tobio-kun, your elbow’s in my-”

“Oikawa-san, you’re squishing me.”

“I wouldn’t have to if Kou-chan would just move over-”

“I’m trying, just let me-”

“EEP!”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Tooru-kun, are you ticklish here?”

“Nope. I’m no- AH! HAHAHA, KOU-CHAN, NO, PLEASE, HAHA!”

Thud. “Ow.”

“Now look, Kou-chan, you’ve made poor Tobio fall- NO MORE PLEASE I’M SORRY AHAHAHA KOU-!”

Thud. Thud. 

“That armchair was too tiny for the three of us anyways.”

EPILOGUE:

“So, you’ve completely ruled out Tendou?”

Iwa snorts. “Trust me, after our last Shiratorizawa match, I'll die happy if I never have to see him again, much less play against his wicked blocks. Besides, I asked around and he's with that setter from his team.”

Tooru leans forward with interest. “Gray-haired dude? Looks kinda like Kou-chan from a distance?” 

“Yeah, that one. Must have found his match. Either way, I'm 100% confident that guy is my enemy.”

“Then, the name on your left arm-”

“-belongs to an asshole that had to have one of the top three most common names in Japan.” Iwachan complains. 

“No luck finding him?”

“Of course I still haven't found him. I mean, come on. Yamaguchi AND Tadashi? He couldn’t just have the most average Japanese last name, but first name too?”

Tooru pats his arm comfortingly. “I’ll keep my eyes peeled for that Yamaguchi. You’ll find him, Iwachan.”

“I hate it when you get patronizing.”

“I’m being encouraging!”

“Same thing.”

“Maybe it's for the better you don’t find this Yamaguchi. He’ll have the meanest boyfriend in the world.”

“Aren’t you the same guy who bullied his own soulmate for years because you couldn’t accept that you had a crush on him?”

“Why can’t anyone move past that?!”

**Author's Note:**

> oikawa might be good at flustering kageyama but the second suga breaks out that "tooru-kun" he melts like an ice cube in an oven 
> 
> talk to me on twitter! i'm @lupittydupitty


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